You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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