our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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