I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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