Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
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i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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