Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
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