we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
