so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
