Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
