her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The Olympian is in my bed
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
