When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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