you guys were way drunker than both of me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
