if i died would you start the facebook group?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
