where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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