Me. At least after what I've been through.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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