The maid of honor just puked.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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