I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
