Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you traded sex for a burrito?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
