Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
