So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
