I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
