Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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