Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
