We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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