hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
im holly from the hills drunk
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
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I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
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My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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