first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
