Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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