Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
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i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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