I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
