tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
