Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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