see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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