walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
