I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
