ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he was CRYING into my vagina
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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