If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How does one acquire holy water?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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