You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
