Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You made out with two different species that night
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
