Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Vodka?
Forever.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
