I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
