I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
