If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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