Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
