I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
