I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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