If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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