Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
