Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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