Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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