I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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