whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
