You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
