I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I still have a little drunk in my system
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
