My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
