life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
