Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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