He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
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My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
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I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just want to make out with him forever
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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