Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
