he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
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he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
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We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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