i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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