then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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