i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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