What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize