My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
