I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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