I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
