suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
