so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
