Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
