And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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