Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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