I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
