It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
they need to just BURY HIM!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
