I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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