You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
