Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
