Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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