Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
