dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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