Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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