While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
