I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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