John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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