roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
